There is only one final episode to go folks. The series finale is just around the corner. All our questions will finally be answered. Except perhaps one. What the hell do we watch now?

New and improved! Now with Juliet!

For starters what about rehashed old NBC shows now starring Losties? ABC recently remade the old NBC series V. Of course the special effects are way better and it is of course a whole new generation of viewers. But let’s be real here. It is slotted right after Lost and stars Elizabeth Mitchell (a.k.a. Juliet). Obviously ABC wants us to tune in with Lost regularity.

Needs something original? ABC  offered us FlashForward. We have been watching flash backs, flash forwards and flash sideways on lost forever. Why not just make a show about FlashForwards? Bumble actually thought this was a pretty decent show. It wasn’t Lost, but it did star some familiar Losties like Penny and Charlie. Why is Bumble using the past tense when talking about FlashForward? ABC will not be renewing it! You heard it here first.

How did Bumble not see that coming??? It seems like it was only on for 2 minutes and 17 seconds!

So what the hell will Bumble and ABC do now? Fear not infidels! Bumble has some ideas. It appears that if V can succeed the recipe is simple. Take an old TV show, remake it and add a Lost actor/actress. Voila you have a viable series! With all the talented actors and actresses that have graced Lost over the past 6 season this shouldn’t be too hard.

Here are Bumble’s favorite ideas…

Just because it didn't work for Scott Baio doesn't mean it won't work for Sun and Jin!

8 what? Who cares, it's got two losties in it!

Whacky antics anyone? He can eat enough chocolate to keep the assembly line running, and he sees dead people!

And Bumbles personal favorite…

Eat your heart out Sherwood Schwartz! Frank is way funnier than Bob Denver.

Whatever they come up with, ABC better get cracking soon. We have the Lost finale Sunday and then withdraw symptoms. What is Bumble going to do? Watch CBS for gods sakes? No way! Get moving you ABC execs! If you need help, you know where to find Bumble.

Yup, 5 seasons done and Bumble is still LOST!

On Tuesday, February 2nd the sixth and final season of Lost will begin. That’s at 9pm EST for those of you that cannot help yourselves. The season is slated for 18 episodes, with the series finale to air in May. So what can we expect in the final season?

Well given the propensity of the writers to be wankers, and the fact that the final season begins on Ground Hog Day, Bumble has some thoughts on the matter. Is it a coincidence that they are starting out on Ground Hog Day? Will it mean six more weeks of “WTF was that?!?!” Let’s ask the king of all Groundhogs, Punxatawny Phil.

Ahem. Well it appears the Groundhog has no prophetic powers when it comes to Lost. As a matter of fact the little bastard isn’t that great at predicting spring either! Just once it wound be nice if the furry infidel would go out on a limb and say something like “Nope, Winter is over! You can all take off your snow tires”. Stupid rodent.

Bill should have killed that pompous jackass when he had the chance!

Ummm. Right, Lost. So it starts on Ground Hog day. Something just doesn’t smell right about that. Perhaps it is because Bumble can’t help but think of that movie. You know the one, where Bill Murray wakes up every day and starts all over again.

What if Lost Season 6 starts out like that? No, not with an alarm clock going off and blaring “I Got You Babe”. Though that does have some potential. No, what if Season 6 begins with the plane crashing all over again? Bumble would be devastated.

It is bad enough that there is just no closure in life. If they screw up this series, Bumble doesn’t know what he will do! After over 100 episodes ending with neither an explanation, nor a gratuitous nip slip from Kate that damn show is infuriating! Bumble is emotionally invested now. They better not screw it up like the series finale of Seinfeld. Good lord.

In an effort to help the writers of Lost address some lingering issues and ensure that the payoff is worth it, Bumble humbly offers some suggestions.

First the “Dont’s”

1. Do not forget to explain the infidel SMOKE MONSTER!
2. Please do not tear a hole in the real universe with your incessant flashback-flashforward crappola!
3. Do not even think about having a flash back with Boone or some other second rate season one bit player!

Not a bad idea Frank! Bumble suggests Kate and Juliette.

Now some helpful hints for the brilliant writers of Lost

1. Go out with a “bang”, even if it has to be pay per view. After six years watching scantily clad Evangeline Lilly, Bumble will pay up to $19.99 for an On Demand farewell. For the ladies out there Bumble supposes a similar finale with Sawyer or Jack could be arranged.
2. GOTO 1

Gratuitous sandy Kate Photo...

Actually that’s the only suggestion Bumble has for this infuriating show. Kill them all, don’t kill them all, whatever. Just so there is hot steamy sex for all 18 episodes, and it ends with something explicit. Let’s face it, the plot isn’t what made this show into a huge success. In fact, it was probably successful DESPITE a confusing bunch of quantum physics wannabe nerds writing in their mother’s basements. No offense Frank.

Hello Saywer!

Bumble watches this show for the same reason most males do. Hot, sweaty, sandy, babes stranded on an island. Oh and ladies, don’t even try it. Nobody thinks you care about physics either. Sure you enjoy the flashbacks and the deep plot twists. Will Kate find her true love? Will it be Sawyer or Jack?

Yeah right. You are so into the plot did you happen to notice the relativity equation in the Sawyer picture?

Nope. Bumble rests his case. Whatever happens during the final season, we all want the same thing. End 6 seasons of foreplay with a bang.

It appears as though Bumble has some other business to take care of right now. See you non-rodent types on February 3rd! Death to Ground Hogs!

BRING IT ON RAT!!!