On September 6th, National Geographic will premier a special Giuliani’s 9.11. The commercials really sparked some thoughts for me, especially in light of recent political news regarding the “Mosque at Ground Zero.” Bumble has agreed to sit this one out and let “Daddy” finally do a guest post. I should warn you it is not the usual funny Infidel Nation content and it might be disturbing to some readers.

It has been nearly 9 years since the tragic attack on 9/11. How has it changed America? For better or worse, we now have a Department of Homeland Security, two wars, The Patriot Act, and terror alert colors.

How did Americans feel about Islam then as opposed to today? It’s always dangerous to try to answer a question like that. The best I hope to do is share my own experiences and emotions about that day and the years that followed. Hopefully I am not alone in still thinking about these things, but to understand where we are today we have to remember the events of 2001. For my generation I think that day is like the day Kennedy was assassinated. We will always remember where we were when we heard the news of the attacks.

That Day

My fiance and I had actually gotten up early that day to go to the local courthouse for our marriage license. We were in the car listening to the radio when the first plane hit. It was surreal. At first the details were very, very scarce. I immediately thought it was some small plane that just made a horrible error. We continued on to the courthouse. You could tell the employees in even this small town courthouse were tense and some were visibly shaken. Somehow we managed to get our marriage license and left the building under the assumption that this was just a bizarre aviation accident.

On leaving the courthouse we were immediately met by a beat reporter for a local newspaper. He stopped us and asked if we were nervous or afraid being inside the courthouse. My first though was “hell yeah, I just got a marriage license!”. He was kind enough to not quote that in the paper and took the time to explain that the second tower had been hit. We were in complete shock. Driving home we listened to the radio and realized for the first time that America was under attack. Unreal.

Once we got home we learned of the pentagon attack and what seemed like a bizarre crash in Shanksville, PA. My initial though was “my god they are just taking down planes anywhere they can”.

Then what were probably the most unforgettable images I have ever seen began to show on TV. The first tower falling and turning completely to dust. Then the second. I still can’t honestly process what that must have been like for anyone near ground zero. Nor can I imagine the courage it took to run towards that scene.

The attacks had the desired effect on me personally. I was terrified. I sat on the couch with my fiance watching the entire day transpire on the news. I recall even then thinking that America would never be the same. For one thing the media was actually just reporting. That day still stands out to me as the last time TV simply let the story unfold without interjecting opinions, speculation, and agendas. The event itself was big enough and didn’t need talking heads throwing out their two cents.

In The Aftermath

In the days after 9/11, I was shocked at what appeared to be an unprovoked terrorist attack on US soil. Initially it seemed unprecedented in history. Immediately, my own ignorance was exposed. In fact, this wasn’t even the first attack on the World Trade Center by Al-Qaeda trained terrorists. I had nearly forgotten the attack in 1993 in which a truck bomb was detonated below the North Tower. I vaguely remembered it, but somehow thought it was a domestic terrorist attack similar to the Timothy McVeigh bombing in Oklahoma City. Admittedly, if I had ever heard of Osama Bin Laden, or Al-Qaeda I had forgotten them or written them off as a one time threat that failed in ’93. Over the next months Osama Bin Laden became synonymous with the boogie man, and Al Qaeda became an elusive evil army.

In the days and weeks that followed, America learned all about how much the world hated us. We watched people dancing in the streets cheering the attack. We learned of Al Qaeda and knew just how well organized they were. Fear would seemingly forever be a part of American life, and it was clear that ignorance was dangerous.

On 9/12, one of my coworkers actually tried to tell me that we had been attacked by the “Philistines”. Granted, she wasn’t really bright. I guess giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she meant Palestinians (which was still way off). I knew the middle eastern countries constantly lived with daily terrorist threats, but those were far off places like Lebanon, Israel, and Jordan. Shanksville, PA didn’t seem to fit the mold.

Pride in Americans

The weeks that followed were filled with truly inspiring human stories and it was hard not to be proud of my country in the aftermath.

Accounts of heroism from everyday people began to fill the news. Fireman and Police from all over the east coast flocked to ground zero with one simple goal. Help someone, anyone. The tragic loss of life was unprecedented, but so was the bravery shown by average New Yorkers and Emergency Response units that day. In the months that followed the death count rose to 2,996 dead. Citizens from over 90 countries died that day for no better reason than that they went to work. 411 emergency workers from the NYPD, FDNY, and Port Authority died in an effort to save lives.

Without their sacrifice many more people would have died that day. Out of the ashes rose the best of humanity regardless of race, religion, or nationality. For the people that were at ground zero none of that mattered. Everyone was equal in the chaos and deserved a chance to live. The hatred and ignorance of the terrorists was nothing compared to the courage and unconditional sacrifice made that day.

In the days that followed heroism took many forms. Here are just a few events that left a lasting impact with me.

Rudy Guliani – Stayed Strong From the day of September 11th to the years that followed the Mayor was a rock for New Yorkers and Americans. His constant presence on TV and radio was a reassurance to many that one day things could again be normal. If you put aside political opinions it is difficult to argue that the man transcended public office during that time and became a bastion of strength for everyone.

Bill Maher and HBO – Spoke Out Many people would disagree with me on this one, but that’s what makes America great. In 2002 Bill’s show Politically Incorrect was canceled by ABC in large part due to his “controversial” remarks after 9/11. In case you forgot, here are the controversial remarks. His comments were actually in response to a guests remarks from conservative pundit Dinseh D’Souza that the 9/11 terrorists did not act in a cowardly manner. Bill agreed with him saying, “We have been the cowards. Lobbing cruise missiles from two thousand miles away. That’s cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building. Say what you want about it. Not cowardly. You’re right.” Bill’s basic point then and over the next months was that Americans needed to better understand what they were fighting against.

In 2003 HBO picked Bill up and began to air Real Time With Bill Maher. Whether you love or hate Bill Maher give the man the respect he is due. In the aftermath of a terrorist attack when the country was too scared to think straight, Bill stood by his comments and exercised the very free speech that Islamic fundamentalists abhor. Is he a hero of 9/11? Certainly not of the same variety as the Emergency Response people that gave their lives. At the time though, I am sure Bill Maher thought his career was over and he still didn’t back down. For a comedian with a show that was based on satire, he showed more journalistic integrity and willingness to reconsider the enemy than most of mainstream America at the time. To me, that is heroic.

Saturday Night Live SNL was scheduled to premier just two weeks after 9/11. While they considered postponing the season premier, Lorne Michaels eventually decided that the best way to fight terrorism was to let the show go on. Giuliani again was front and center and opened the show with these remarks:

Mayor Rudolph Guiliani: Good evening. Since September 11th, many people have called New York a city of heroes. Well, these are the heroes. The brave men and women of the New York Fire Department, the New York Police Department, the Port Authority Police Department, Fire Commissioner Tom Von Essen, and Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik.

On September 11th, more lives were lost than on any other single day in America’s history. More than Pearl Harbor, and more than D-Day. The men, women and children who were in the World Trade Center came from across the country and 80 different nations. They were living their lives and pursuing their dreams, and they, too, are remembered as heroes. On our city’s darkest day, our heroes met the worst of humanity with the best of humanity. Their acts of heroism saved more than 25,000 lives. But even as we grieve for our loved ones, it’s up to us to face our future with renewed determination. Our hearts are broken, but they are beating, and they are beating stronger than ever. New Yorkers are unified. We will not yield to terrorism. We will not let our decisions be made out of fear. We choose to live our lives in freedom.

Lorne Michaels: On behalf of everyone here, I just want to thank you all for being here tonight, especially you, sir.

Mayor Rudolph Guiliani: Thank you, Lorne. Thank you very much. Having our city’s institutions up and running sends a message that New York City is open for business. “Saturday Night Live” is one of our great New York City institutions, and that’s why it’s important for you to do your show tonight.

Lorne Michaels: Can we be funny?

Mayor Rudolph Guiliani: Why start now? “Live, from New York! It’s Saturday Night!”

World Wrestling Entertainment Just two days after 9/11 Vincent Kennedy McMahon and then WWF Smackdown went back on the air. It was a seemingly small gesture with one caveat. Smackdown was filmed in front of a huge packed arena in Houston, Texas. Vince’s gang of Superstars was the first live event in an arena following 9/11.  It’s worth remembering how courageous every day life was right after 9/11. Even doing something as seemingly silly as attending a live wrestling show took courage only two days after the attacks.

To their credit, the WWE since 2001 has been awarded the first ever Corporate Patriot Award for it’s continued ongoing support of the U.S. Military and their families. To this day the WWE offers free tickets to US Military personnel to it’s live events. In addition, the WWE has held a Tribute to the Troops in Iraq and Afghanistan at Christmas since 2003. Superstars large and small have traveled to the front lines to perform for the troops over the holidays and throughout the year.

My Neighbor John – Defending “His” Country

Our neighbor John was part of the reserves during 9/11. He and his wife have three kids and were living paycheck to paycheck like a lot of Americans today. When the war in Iraq began in 2003 John was called up to active duty. As a veteran of the gulf war his experience was valuable. Within a few months he was deployed to Iraq. Unfortunately his family wasn’t in a great position financially. His wife had been working nights, and he had been working days. This left one of them always home with the 3 kids. With John away from home, his wife had no choice but to quit working. Their extended family was in Florida and there was simply no way around it.

To compound matters it took a few months for the military to get his first paycheck stateside. By that point things had fallen apart. Within a year they had to sell the house and his wife and kids moved back to Florida. I saw John when he was granted leave to attend his mother’s funeral. She died while he was in Iraq. He had easily lost 30 pounds from his thirty something domestic life physique. He never once complained. Not about his situation at home or being in Iraq.

I also have to mention that John was an immigrant. He was an immigrant that came here and was willing to fight for “his country”. Twice, as a matter of fact. First in the Gulf War and again in Operation Iraqi Freedom. It bothers me to this day when “immigrant” is thrown around as a dirty word. If you mean illegal aliens, say it. An immigrant is something totally different and in this case someone to respect. I honestly don’t know what became of him after his family moved to Florida. He was still serving at the time when they moved. All I can say is “thank you wherever you are”.

Flight 93 – “Let’s Roll”

To me no story embraced American defiance in the face of an enemy more than that of the passengers of Flight 93. These were normal husbands, wives, brothers and sisters no different from most Americans. On 9/11 they did something so extraordinary that I truly hope it is never forgotten in American history. They fought back.

It sounds so simple. While the rest of the country was in total disarray and the military had jets scrambling over the Atlantic by mistake these 44 people found the courage to fight back. Knowing that the plane would likely be used to attack another target, they took the risk and attempted to regain control of the cockpit. The plane crashed near Shanksville, PA. We may never know what the intended target was for Flight 93. It’s been speculated that it was the White House or the Capitol. What we do know is that Todd Beamer and the other passengers made it a moot point with their courage. May they never be forgotten.

America Today

As I stated earlier much has changed in the last 9 years. George Bush’s 90% approval rating in the weeks after 9/11 sure did. As did the universal respect for Rudy Giuliani. Some tremendous positives did come about as a result though and that’s a true testament to the American people. Unfortunately, there is still much work to be done to counter fear and ignorance with knowledge.

InfidelNation – Prior to 9/11 there certainly wouldn’t have been an Infidel Nation. Over the past 11 months the site has allowed Bumble the angry Persian cat to do what he does best. Make people laugh. Writing from the perspective of an angry Persian cat in America has given tremendous flexibility and artistic license, as well as some interesting takes on current events, pop culture and life. Humor is universal and frankly “funny” transcends religious and political affiliations. No doubt the character of Bumble wouldn’t be what he is today had he been born before 9/11. Many would argue that this is not a good thing at all. Bumble and I disagree.

Supporting Our Troops – Regardless of where pundits, people and politicians stand on Iraq and Afghanistan there is a well deserved respect for the men and women of the armed services today. Nobody would dare blame the soldiers for what may be an unjust or failing war. In that regard we have made tremendous progress since Vietnam. Finally Americans have realized you can still support the troops even if you oppose the war.

Respect for Firefighters and Police – Certainly 9/11 was a huge eye opener for most of America as to just what being a firefighter or police officer means. Though they always deserved our respect and admiration, it was only after 9/11 that most people began to give it to them. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make people remember just how special some people are. In this case let’s hope we never forget the Firefighters and Police that still serve every day and do their best to keep American’s safe. I doubt we will for quite some time.

Zaytuna College in Berkely, CA The first ever Muslim college in the United States founded in 2009. Their motto is “Where Islam meets America”. This type of institution undoubtedly couldn’t have been launched in 2002. I know the initial reaction is probably one of mixed emotions, but it’s important to remember a few things. Catholic institutions like Villanova University, Notre Dame, Loyola Marymount and countless others are also faith based institutes of higher learning. So are Oral Roberts university, BYU and for that matter Yeshiva University in NY.

Yeshiva is similar to Zaytuna in that it is a liberal arts college in which students undertake classes in religious studies as well as liberal arts. That’s where the differences come in. Zaytuna College will attempt to merge liberal arts with religious learning only from an Islamic rather than Jewish faith base. Is Zaytuna College a good thing? Time will tell, but I think so. Zaytuna’s goal is to produce American Islamic scholars, since most Islamic scholars are produced abroad and naturally have a cultural perspective foreign to America. According to Imam Zaid Shakir, “We want to manifest Islam in a way that’s compatible with America”. At a minimum this institution deserves a chance at accreditation like any other. Hopefully it is a step towards a better understanding of Muslims here in America as well as abroad.

Islamaphobia Initially our ignorance was mixed with rage over the attacks. It was all too easy to lump Muslims all into the same small fringe group represented by Osama bin Laden. There really is no excuse for that 9 years later, and yet it still happens at an alarming rate. Pundits and politicians continue to use fear of the lunatic fringe to push their own agenda. For these fear mongers typical vision of a Muslim is portrayed as a crazed Arab with a turban and AK-47.

The truth is that there are 1.57 billion Muslims in the world today. To put this in perspective, there are 300 million Americans. The Muslim populations of  India and Indonesia combined are more than 300 million people. India is only 13% Muslim. Any way you slice it there are more Muslims in the world today than Americans, which of course is discounting the obvious fact that some Americans are Muslims too!

Less than 15% of Muslims are Arab, and the Anti-West fundamentalists are a tiny fringe group of fanatics within that 15%. Al Qaeda is a very real threat, no debate there. However, to say they are in any way representative of Muslims in general is absurd. Islam itself is largely fragmented into secular groups just like Christianity. There are Sunni and Shiite Muslims which are as different as Mormons and Catholics. There are repercussions in our own culture of failing to grasp the basics about Islam vs. TerrorIslam. We certainly can see it in the recent Islamophobia in the news regarding the proposed “Mosque at Ground Zero”.

The Mosque at Ground Zero I’ve seen reported “news” articles claiming everything from a victory mosque being built to Barrack Obama will worship there. The facts are a little less spectacular. There is currently a proposition to open a $100 million dollar Islamic Community Center 2 blocks from where the World Trade Center stood. The Community Center would include a prayer room.

First, it’s not at Ground Zero. Ground Zero isn’t even visible from the proposed site of the Cordoba House. It also is not a Mosque. It seems like opponents immediately wanted to paint a picture of the Dome of the Rock sitting at the foot of the Freedom Tower/One World Trade Center. That’s not quite right. It’s a proposed community center with a prayer room 2 blocks away.

Obama also didn’t say they should build it (nor that he would worship there). He did say that…

“Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country. That includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances,” he said. “This is America, and our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakable.”

He is correct. It’s private property and the owners can do what they want with it provided they have the permits. Ground Zero is the closest thing we have to sacred ground in the 21st century though. So it is totally understandable that this would be an emotional issue if it were a Mosque going where the Twin Towers once stood. To be accurate, that simply isn’t what was proposed. Nor is there any legal justification to stop it.

This is a huge hot button topic for one reason, mid term elections. Again, we see politics and pundits using Islamophobia to push their own agenda and tear down the other party.  That’s not to say it isn’t a truly emotional issue for New Yorkers. Unfortunately, that real emotion is being manipulated and exploited for political rhetoric. The question remains, should it be allowed to be built there?

I guess that is the real litmus test for how far we have come since 2001. So far more than half of New Yorkers oppose a Mosque at Ground Zero. Though I have to wonder if that poll explained it was a 13 story cultural center in the old Burlington Coat Factory building two blocks away. This particular issue will take months to reach resolution and by then the debate will have mucked up many an elected official. In reality it’s a moot point. We live in a country that tolerates freedom of religion. A group of Muslims bought the property and can build whatever they want there. Freedom of religion can’t just mean all religions except Islam.

For myself I would like to see one simple monument somewhere at the base of One World Trade Center or at the National September 11 Memorial & Museum. I’d like to see a  statue of one of the most inspiring photos taken during that tragic day when it seemed time stood still.

Ground Zero Statue?

I’d love to hear your comments and memories of 9/11 as well as how you think America has changed since. Please feel free to leave comments. Though the form does ask for an email address, it is not required.

Today a court ruled that California’s Proposition 8, banning same sex marriage was unconstitutional. The issue is hardly resolved, but it is considered a major victory for proponents of same sex marriages.

Bumble is admittedly baffled to some degree by the ongoing debate. This is primarily due to Bumble’s overall bewilderment with marriage in general. It seems to be a uniquely human concept that Bumble just can’t get behind. Sheesh, did that sound gay? Marriage to Bumble appears to be some sort of legal contract binding one of you to do the laundry forever, and the other to be the “all time” groundskeeper. What’s worse, you may only enter this compact on condition that you both swear to never have sex with anyone else. If you mess it up, you lose half your stuff. My god! Why would anyone do that in the first place?? There are laundromats, landscapers, and hookers. In other words, there is an easier way to get your laundry done, lawn mowed, and um lawn mowed.

Fortunately, Bumble doesn’t have to understand the concept to identify the winners and losers in today’s landmark ruling.

Winners:

Fox News:

Well this ongoing debate is easy “editorial” fodder for months. Already interns are frantically trying to find 3 experts on gayness for Bill O’Reilly to yell at. In reality, anything like this can be misrepresented loudly as fact by pundits. Sadly, Fox is the Fear Factor of news. It’s only a matter of days before Hannity or O’Reilly drub up some crazy senario where the whole thing is a liberal media conspiracy perpetrated by Rachel Maddow and the Red Hat Society. Whatever they come up with, it should be entertaining.

Rachel Maddow: Hopefully she will get blamed by Big Poppa and the Fox henchman for Prop 8 being overruled. Bumble thinks she would take that as a great compliment and really like the attention. That kind of publicity might even allow her show’s ratings to finally beat Deadliest Catch. On the other hand, Rachel is now a step closer to having the right to be married. Oh wait, she lives in Massachusetts and already could have been married to her long time partner. Hmmmmm perhaps she is secretly with Bumble on the whole laundromats, landscapers and hookers philosophy.

Divorce Attorneys: Their potential client base at least in California has doubled. Ching, Ching. Congratulations gay Californians, you now have the right to pay a lawyer to determine who gets the Celine Dion box set after your next breakup.

Losers:

California gays and lesbians in a serious relationship but who have a fear of commitment: Yeah, you are screwed. The convenient excuse of “I would love to marry you hunnie, but sad to say it’s not possible” has just been removed. Talk about pressure. What’s the acceptable window before these people have to propose or start getting ultimatums?

Mel Gibson: Nothing to do with same sex marriage but any losers list really has to include him at this point.

Protesters of Same Sex Marriage: Yes the court’s decision is a blow hehe, but with protests like these Bumble is not surprised.

Nobody was even debating that! Bad protester!

That isn't much of a disguise and he still infiltrated your protest! Ha!

Man with sign, you are now an honorary infidel. Congrats!

In conclusion, if humans are going to support this insane institution it might as well be equally available to all kinds of crazy people. Frankly Bumble doesn’t see all the hub bub about gay marriage anyway. If you think homosexuality is wrong the surest way to kill it is to allow gays to get married. If their marriages are like straight marriages it will nearly assure that they stop having sex.

Feedback:

This was a good reply on Facebook and we thought we would share it here.

ok Bumble you are a big conspiracy type thinker.. what about this one. That the insurance companies, car, health, ect and the government would loose the extra money that …the “Gays” have to pay for separate policy’s and Separate tax’s. 2 health insurances , 2 life insurances, 2 car insurances.. no multi family member discounts here. And tax’s if your mommy and daddy had to pay 2 single tax’s rather than 1 married tax. They might not be able to help you keep your hosting account.. just thoughts to ponder.

BTW
..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior

CAT is on the list

Well, obviously that hub bub! Bumble actually meant he didn’t see why anyone would care to limit membership in this silly club. In retrospect the wording was open to interpretation and could seem ignorant. If there is one thing Infidel Nation doesn’t represent it is ignorance. =)

These are all really good reasons to allow gay marriage, and for the record Bumble agrees with you. Not allowing it is discriminatory and unconstitutional. Regardless of sexual orientation everyone should have access to the same benefits and drawbacks of married life. The benefits are pretty well stated above. If you want to save money on insurance and have your relationship recognized all for the low price of monogamy, involving lawyers in your break ups, and two sets of obligatory family functions every year you certainly should be allowed to roll the dice too.

Bumble’s point is more that marriage in general is a 50/50 proposition. The good marriages end in death! Are you sure you want to join? Perhaps marriage in general should be banned because it is a losing gamble for half the people that try it. Hey, maybe gay marriages will be more successful than 50% ending in divorce. Now that would be a real kick in the butt to the right wing family values preachers.

As to your link, yes some cats are gay. They are still not dumb enough to get married! Cats mate with any cat that is in heat, thus enabling them to walk away without cuddling and populate the earth with litters of bastard kittens. Sorry, cats are still smarter than humans.

Tonight at about 8 pm, the Senate will begin the process of voting on the 2000 plus page health care reform bill. First, a brief explanation of the process.

The vote tonight is not to actually pass the bill. In fact, this is only the first step. Tonight the Senate votes on whether or not to consider the bill. Yes, this is government at it’s finest. A vote to decide whether we should proceed and produce legislation worth voting on.

Hi my name was Ted before we started. They call me Bill now.

Passing tonight would put the bill before the Senate for consideration, amendment and modification. If the modified bill ultimately passed the Senate, this bill would be reconciled with the bill passed two weeks ago by the House. The final,  compromised bill would then go before the President who could sign it into law. Voila, health care reform!

So this is hardly the high drama of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. But there is something in common with the classic Jimmy Stewart movie.

Filibusters!

Tonight could be an epic filibuster. What’s a filibuster you say?

A filibuster can happen when a person or group wants to stifle a bill. Essentially, the Senate rules permit a senator, or group of senators to speak for as long as they wish about any topic they wish. This process can be halted if 3/5ths of the Senate bring the debate to a close by invoking cloture. Tonight that would require all the Democratic Senators plus two Independents to kill any Republican  filibuster.

24 hours must have felt like a lifetime to everyone that didn't live to be over 100

The record for filibustering is held by none other than Strom Thurmond back in 1957. He was filibustering against a civil rights bill for just over 24 hours. Strom Thurmond lived to be 101 years old, passing away in 2003.

As of right now, there seems to be a consensus that there will be enough votes to invoke cloture tonight and stop any sustained filibuster attempt.

So why would the Republicans even bother? Well for Republicans who oppose the bill, they have an obligation to do everything in their power to represent their constituents.

She's baaaaaack!

So get ready for it folks. This afternoon, and into the early evening be prepared to hear old white men reading you excerpts from… dun dun dun…

Going Rogue!

Remember, Senators can speak about any topic. They don’t even have to talk about health care reform. Unless 60 Senators are willing to stifle it, one lone Republican can read the Senate the entire text of Sarah Palin’s memoir. Then he can pass it to another and so on.

Without the 60th vote, this can continue all night effectively killing Health Care Reform before it ever gets debated in the Senate.

There are 58 Democrats and two Independents that make up the potential 60 needed votes. The Independents are Bernie Sanders of Vermont, and Joe Lieberman. Senator Sanders recently wrote the elegant 2 page “Too Big to Fail, Too Big to Exist Act”. Bumble senses Bernie will vote to stop the old men from reading from Going Rogue. Anyone with a 2 page act probably has no patience for tomfoolery.

That leaves us with Joe Lieberman.

Bumble has a special message for Joe.

LET THEM GO JOE!

You bring the popcorn Bumble, and Joe will let them go!

Please, please, please let the Republicans read “Going Rogue” at least once! It is only fair that they are forced to read it. We can wait a few more hours to know if this bill will be considered, if it means some stodgy old codger is forced to say Sarah Palin’s thoughts out loud. Frankly, this could be the highlight of the debate!

Don’t spoil it by voting too soon. Bumble knows you have a sense of humor Joe. Let em read slowly.

At the very least, the Republicans will be forced to acknowledge what they have in the chamber for 2012.

This weekend FarmVille finally unleashed the Big Ole Plantation for addicts with enough neighbors and coins. The release coincided with the addition of the Chicken Coop, and followed just on the heels of the Baby Turkeys. For those of you that missed it, the Big Ole Plantation costs $250,000 and you must have 20 neighbors to be eligible. The bigger lot is 22 x 22. Bumble has to hand it to FarmVille for keeping the fresh releases and new items coming. It really keeps addicts logging in every day to see the latest developments. It is about time they released the B.O.P., but it just begs the question…

Et tu, FarmVille?

When will FarmVille release the Mighty Plantation? What are they afraid of anyway? The 24 x 24 Mighty Plantation is still listed as “Coming Soon!”. Unfortunately, Americans have enough important stuff tagged as “Coming Soon!”. Health care reform, economic recovery, decreased dependence on foreign oil, a plan for Afghanistan and Iraq are all similarly labeled as “Coming Soon!”. Americans have run out of patience in general. Must we also be forced to wait for the Mighty Plantation?

The answer is a resounding, and conspiratorial YES! To understand the conspiracy you must know some things about Bumble. Bumble has a few hobbies. Among Bumble’s favorite activities are FarmVille and policing pundits. Often Bumble likes to flip between MSNBC and Fox news to watch just how differently each network reports the days events. During the early afternoon it isn’t as obvious. After 8 pm, when the “news editorial” shows air the difference in slant becomes more overt. Olberman vs. Bill O’Reilly is the biggest discrepancy in news coverage since the Chicago Daily Tribune reported “Dewey Defeats Truman” back in ’48. Sadly, in the Olberman vs. O’Reilly battle it isn’t clear which one is the Tribune.

What is clear is that cable news shows allow the media to influence public opinion like never before. So after a day of harvesting and twelve RedBulls, Bumble is nearing a full blown tizzy. Could it be that FarmVille is also being influenced by punditry? Can politics be playing a part in why they have yet to release the Mighty Plantation? Again, the answer is a big fat conspiratorial YES!

Zynga is holding off for one simple reason. Allowing Bumble to have a 24 x 24 farm would possibly make his plantation…

Too Big To Fail!

Break up Bumble's Farm!

Yup, you heard it from Bumble first. On Friday, November 6th Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont introduced the “Too Big to Fail, Too Big to Exist Act of 2009″. The act is nearly two pages long, so Bumble hasn’t actually read it. But Bumble assumes it pertains to his FarmVille farm.

Public opinion is wavering on whether or not institutions can be too big for the public good. As we have seen, when the really big financial institutions are in trouble the effects can be catastrophic to the economy. Bailouts were deemed necessary to preserve the functioning of the market.

But really… Bumble’s farm?!?

Good consiparcy theories involve latinos!

Bumble employs one latino migrant worker and a goat! Hopefully, FarmVille will not wait to see the outcome of the current act before nutting up and releasing the Mighty Plantation. Sure, there may be other reasons for the delay in the release, but Bumble is skeptical. Just a week after the introduction of the Too Big To Exist act, FarmVille went with the soft launch of just the Big Ole Plantation. Coincidence, or Lou Dobbs level manic conspiracy theory?

Whatever the reason for the delay, Bumble’s farm is packed to it’s borders. The Big Ole Plantation just isn’t going to cut it. Bumble needs living space! His critters are cramped into pens unfit for livestock. 20 cows to a Dairy Farm? Madness! The small pond is over run with fish and ducks. Bumble must act soon, with or without the launch of the Mighty Plantation.

Klaus demands the Large Pond!

Bumble urges FarmVille to ignore the punditry and politics. Release the Mighty Plantation now! If it doesn’t come soon, Bumble will have to take matters into his own hands…

Bumble and General Cabra eye the Sudetenland...

Poorly doctored photo of Bumble and Oscar at Julliard back in '68

Recently Sesame Street re-aired a clip of the “Grouch News Network” featuring Bumble’s old buddy Oscar the Grouch. The bit, which frankly is not Oscar’s best work generated little hype two years ago when it ran. Of course back then the President was a Republican and Fox News was riding high. Alan Colmes was riding submissive shotgun to Sean Hannity to help curb the insanity. There was even talk of Fox CEO Roger Ailes running for President himself in 2012. In their hubris they even took a shot at getting a bubble headed homecoming queen elected Vice President.

Does... does she mean Icarus?!

Forward to this past month. Holmes is long gone. Glenn Beck is, well Glenn Beck. Roger Ailes announced a few weeks ago that he won’t run for President after all as the country needs the “fair and balanced” coverage he provides at Fox News more than it needs Ailes in the White House. Sarah Palin has stretched her 15 minutes into a recently released book. And Sesame Street is now considered a political enemy. Oh how the mighty have fallen!

The episode in question featured a take off on CNN called the Grouch News Network with Oscar. After the episode a caller told Oscar she was going to start watching “Pox News” because it was really trashy.

The reaction? Well the reaction came from an anonymous post on  right winger Andrew Breitbart’s blog Big Hollywood. Bumble will show you the quote and then translate it for his infidels.

If Mom and Dad watch cable news, it’s better than 50/50 they watch “POX News.”  So what gives? PBS — a network partially funded with my tax dollars — has the right to tell my kids that their parents watch “trashy” news?  The message is clear, I can’t even sit my kids in front of “Sesame Street” without having to worry about the Left attempting to undermine my authority…

Bumble’s translation: “Waaaaaaaaah! The democrats took our White House!

Latinos are better than you!

Are these people serious? Sesame Street is now part of the leftist conspiracy to undermine good family values?! What must they think of Dora the Explorer?

There are so many things upsetting about this, Bumble feels the need to write it in a list.

1. Someone at Fox News or Big Hollywood watches Sesame Street!
2. Nobody in a blue suit and red tie seems to have any sense of humor whatsoever (except Seth Meyers).
3. Someone at Fox News or Big Hollywood watches Sesame Street! Oh yeah, Bumble said that already.
4. Bill O’Reilly was the only one that actually thought it was kind of funny. He aired the clip and quipped “We may have to ambush Oscar”.

To be honest, Bumble does kind of like Bill O’Reilly. He is as close to “Bumble” as you can get on TV. Bumble even suspects that deep down Big Poppa would have loved to yell “Death to You!” more than a few times on his show. Plus Bill did have the sack to accept Jon Stewart’s invite to appear on The Daily Show. Wow, that makes Bill O’Reilly the most well grounded, stable person at Fox News. Yikes.

Hang in there Oscar, as soon as some teen mom loses her tot you will be back under the radar.

Bumble can’t be the only one that waited until Halloween to come up with a costume. Oh I know some of you have been building costumes for weeks now. Death to you! Bumble was busy with FarmVille and has to rush around today to prepare.

Since Bumble is brainstorming anyway, mmmmmm brains…

Huh? What? Oh right, here are some simple costume ideas you can pull off before All Hallows Eve Passes you by.

Glenn Beck

Halloween is a liberal conspiracy perpetrated by Big Candy!

This is probably the easiest costume, but you have to start preparing a few hours ahead of time. Begin by getting drunk to the point of being an incoherent idiot. Wear a jacket and tie and make a little name tag that says “Fox News”.

Now enjoy an evening of saying the most bizarre and unsubstantiated hateful things you can think of all in the name of Halloween.

Blue Screen of Death!

Bumble will dump your physical memory!

Nothing is scarier than the notorious Windows BSOD. It’s an easy costume too.

Step 1. Cut a hole in a box.
Oops, disregard that. That is an entirely different costume. For the BSOD, simply paint a box blue. Use a Sharpie and include the infamous words. “A problem has been detected and windows has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer… Beginning dump of physical memory.” Or if you are SUPER lazy, you can print this screen in color and tape it to your slovenly infidel T-Shirt. You are now ready to terrorize geeks with blogs everywhere.

German Costume

Everyone hates Germans, it’s a scientific fact. Being hated is almost as good as being scary on Halloween.

What you will need:

• Black turtleneck
• Vaseline (to slick back your hair)
• Arrogance
• Total lack of remorse
• Too much cologne
• Cigarettes – not to smoke, just to wave around like the euro-trash that you are

The rest is easy. Just follow these tips and people will know what you are supposed to be.

• Try to use a “z” sound in every sentence.
  

  Ya, it is funny because z'it is true.

• Say ‘Ya’ to start most sentences.
• If someone puts down candy or a drink, immediately “annex” it for your own.
• By the middle of the night, try to have “annexed” most of the candy or drinks for your own.
• By the end of the night make sure you have not only lost all the candy and drinks but are generally hated as well.

Happy Halloween Infidels!

Bumble doesn’t often get angry. Ok that’s a blatant lie, but so what? It’s not like Bumble was going to win a Nobel Peace Prize anyway!

Don’t get me wrong Bumble isn’t mad that it went to President Obama. Maybe a little confused, but not mad. Bumble is pretty upset that given the similarities between himself and the President, Bumble received no consideration!

Just look at the tale of the tape….

As you can see, it is pretty close. Depending on how you weight the whole “being President” thing, Bumble may actually be more deserving than Barrack Obama!

Now Bumble does understand that being President is a big piece of this, but still aren’t we splitting hairs? I mean at the least, shouldn’t Bumble have received an honorable mention? Bumble was clearly hosed, and probably because the selection committee is made of pseudo-Germans from Norway.

In the future, if semi-cool black cats who are possibly Muslim are considered for Nobel Prizes, Bumble would hope the committee is a little more fair.

p.s. Glenn Beck feel free to use this on your show.

You may be wondering why Bumble is picking on Germans. Or you may have a vague recollection of WWII.

Fon fon I am Frenchie! I smell poorly and surrender frequently!

In all fairness Bumble could just have easily chosen the Japanese or Italians right? Well Bumble likes Sushi and Daddy is Italian. So Italy is right out.

In fact, Bumble wouldn’t have picked on the Germans either. Bumble would have been quite content just hating the French, except something happened. Bumble met a German.

Granted, the behavior of this woman may not be typical of all Germans. Bumble has met a handful though, and they all seem like caricatures of the model airplane designer in Flight of the Phoenix (the original with Jimmy Stewart). Bumble doesn’t have time for remakes.

Ya I am German and devoid of emotion.

Bumble also doesn’t have time to meet more Germans before judging a whole country based on the actions of just one German woman. Sure, it’s probably not fair, but Bumble never said he was a monument to justice. Besides it is much more fun to jump to conclusions, pigeon hole an entire group of people, and get busy mocking.

So let’s talk about this woman shall we? Don’t worry, we won’t use names. Let’s just call her “Eva”.

A few weeks ago Bumble was at a gathering. A group of Mommy’s hippie friends were having a little cookout.

As we approached the porch (and the grill), Bumble caught a whiff of a horrible, rancid stench. For the first half hour Bumble was afraid to eat anything offered to him. Frankly you can never tell what these hippies have on their grill.

A little later, Bumble noticed a woman on the porch, sitting against a post. She had her knees pulled to her chest, and legs spread as if she was at the gynecologist. She was smoking a cigar. Bumble had found the source of the stench. We’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and say it was the cigar.

Bumble is incapable of restraining his curiosity. You would think he learned after the incident with the Hasidic Jew in  ’07. Nope. When Bumble meets someone different he asks questions. So Bumble made some small talk first. “How do you like America, What brought you here” etc.

At one point Bumble innocently asked, “How do Germans feel about Americans”? This is where we take a turn.

Bumble was prepared for a little Bush backlash, but not this.

KerPlooie!

Eva’s reply…”Ya, Americans are not very liked. What you did with the, ‘how do you say’ atom bomb was not very nice.

Ummmmm… Bumble was speechless.

If she had been Japanese, ok Bumble would understand. I mean really, it is hard to justify two atom bombs. There are historical arguments that it was justified. But that is hardly the point. She wasn’t Japanese. She was GERMAN!!!

Yes, a GERMAN woman decided to criticize American behavior during WWII… to BUMBLE. Was she mad?

Unfortunately you never get a second chance to deliver a quick comeback (unless you have a blog). Frankly Bumble was so stunned all he could do was mumble something like… “not all Americans are proud of everything we have done”. Eva entirely missed the irony of me saying that to a German in these circumstances.

So since Bumble didn’t manage to spit out any of the comebacks swirling through his head then… here is what Bumble wishes he had said in the order he wishes he said them.

1. DEATH TO YOU!
2. Are you kidding me??!?!?
3. You’re grandparents executed 6 million of God’s chosen people just for being, well chosen, and you dare lecture me on wartime morality!?!
4. GOTO 1

So if you were wondering, now you know. Germans are ignorant. All Germans,

Do you like my turtleneck? Ya, it is a mock turtleneck, see how it mocks you!

every last one of them. And they like Hasselhoff. Bumble rests his case.

Feel free to leave comments on what you would have said.

Death to Germans!

Bumble is troubled about the economy. Here is some advice to the infidels of Bumble Nation on increasing your income.

First, lets take a look at where we stand today. As of August, unemployment in Pennsylvania was at 8.6%. In the US overall it stands at 9.6%.

For those of you that don’t understand numbers, below is an alarming graph of the unemployment rate in the last decade to view.

Just how bad is that, you ask? Let’s get a historical perspective.

Poor People

• 1929 Unemployment climbs from 3.2 to 8.7 percent.
• 1931 Unemployment reaches 15.9 percent.
• 1933 Unemployment at the height of the Great Depression reaches 25%.

We are certainly in the midst of a 20-30 year recession and heading towards another big depression. But what are we to do Bumble? Not to worry, let’s just look at what our grandparents and great grandparents did to get out of the depression.

Between 1940 and 1945 the US experienced the greatest economic boom in it’s history. This continued through the late 40′s and 50′s. The average income in 1940 was $1725 per year. By 1949 it was up to $2950. That’s an increase in income of 40% through the 1940′s alone. So what did Americans do during that period to go from a depression to prosperity?

Simple, kill Germans. Lots of them.

Germans love me and are worth money dead!

During the period of 1940-1945 roughly 7 million Germans were killed. During that same span the average income in the US rose by $1125. That means for every German killed US incomes rose by about $.02. Doesn’t seem like much does it? Two cents for a dead German? Think again. For every German the average income for ALL Americans went up two cents. There were millions of Americans!

1 dollar in 1940 is worth about $15 today. So that $.02 would be more like $.30 today. Still not impressed?

Adjusting the average income of the 40′s for today’s dollars give us an income of roughly $25,000 in 1940 rising to $44,000 in 1949.

Those dead Germans sure do add up. There are even more Germans today. It’s a veritable gold mine. Today there are over 82,000,000 Germans historically worth $.30 each to your personal income.

What are you waiting for? Start killing Germans! They deserve it and it helps the economy!

Death to Germans!

GO GET EM NATION!