As a recovering FarmVille addict, Bumble realizes it is a fine line between a casual player and a full blown Farmaholic. Unfortunately with the release of FrontierVille it has become clear that the makers of FarmVille (Zynga) intended all along for it to be a gateway drug.  Once addicted it becomes very difficult to be objective about your own condition. Bumble recalls thinking many times “Bumble will stop once he has Mastered Strawberries!”. Unfortunately, it was much, much more difficult than that.

Sadly, that isn’t even all the signs. Bumble had some others stuffed in barns to make room for crops. For Bumble, the most addictive part of FarmVille was Mastering Crops and accumulating the signs. For others it may be a different hook.

Regardless of what it is that has made you a Farmaholic, Bumble want’s to help you! In the days and weeks ahead Bumble will be posting some tips on how to quit playing FarmVille.

The first step is to identify just how severe your FarmVille addiction has become. In order to ease you into this with as little fear as possible Bumble will use a familiar format.

Level 1 – Social Farmer! If any three are true you are a Social Farmer.

• You have at least one friend on Facebook that you only interact with through FarmVille.
• You have mastered between 1-5 crops.
• You occasionally plan your schedule around harvest time.
• You once were almost late to work to finish harvesting or planting.
• You have made your first Million in FarmVille.
• You are not embarrassed to share your FarmVille accomplishments on Facebook anymore.
• You’ve considered buying FarmVille Cash to speed things along.

Level 2 - FarmVille Addict! If any three are true you are a full on addict.

• You have multiple FarmVille only friends on Facebook.
• You have mastered 6-10 Crops
• You own a Mansion, Silo Home,  or Villa.
• You have been late for work or school because you were harvesting!
• Your friends don’t even interact with you on Facebook anymore.
• You have bought FarmVille Cash, but just once or twice to see what it was like.
• You now have some FarmVille clothing, T-shirts or other merchandise.
• You plan your crops around your work schedule.

Level 3 - Farmville Farmaholic! If any three are true you are a Farmaholic!

• You have made fake Facebook accounts so you could add extra neighbors in FarmVille. Probably to get the Mighty Plantation.
• You’ve mastered just about every crop. In fact FarmVille is making new crops just for you (and other level 65 and up Farmaholics).
• You own all of the buildings and even the new $5,000,000 Mansion only for level 65 and up.
• You got in trouble and or fired from work for playing FarmVille on company time or being constantly late due to harvest conflicts!
• You don’t even bother with Facebook anymore and go right to Farmville.com to play. Who needs all the distractions of people trying to talk to you?
• You have maxed out a credit card buying FarmVille Cash!
• Most of your wardrobe has sheep or cows on it now.
• You plan your life (what’s left of it) around FarmVille.
• Your spouse may have left you. You aren’t sure but they haven’t come in to check on you lately.

It’s up to you to be honest and judge where you lie in the spectrum. Bumble sincerely hopes nobody has lost a job over FarmVille, but it is quite likely to happen sooner or later. Regardless of your level of addiction, you too can quit farming. Bumble did it! It’s been 3 months of no farming.

Was it easy to stop? Yes! Bumble has several fool proof methods to quitting FarmVille. Try them all if you have to, but with Bumble’s help you too can be FarmVille free!

Tune in later in the week for method one on quitting FarmVille.

Quitting FarmVille the Watermelon Way!

Many of you have been wondering just where the heck Bumble went after Christmas. Was Bumble’s New Year’s Resolution to never blog again? Nope. Unfortunately, Bumble has spent nearly a month in a heated legal battle with an insolent subversive goat! On New Year’s Eve, General Jorge Cabra left Bumble’s farm. As if that were not bad enough, the stupid goat started his own blog to give away trade secrets acquired while “working” for Bumble.

To kick off 2010, Bumble received a “Cease and Desist” letter from the aforementioned ingrate. The thrust of the document stated that Bumble had to stop both BLOGGING and playing FARMVILLE! Imagine!

Being a black Persian cat, Bumble quickly secured the help of a legendary litigator to help in his cause.

Who told you to use a bomb?!? Who uses a bomb? What is a bomb anyway?

After several weeks of negotiation, and one failed attempt to um make the problem go away General Cabra and Bumble have reached a resolution. Bumble is once again allowed to play FarmVille and maintain his blog.

The concession is … Bumble has to link to the damn goat’s blog. So in the name of “due diligence” please check out the infidel goat’s blog by clicking on the picture of this chupacabra. May he find General Jorge to be tasty!

Bumble wishes you well GOAT!

Editor’s note from Daddy: In the interest of Team Longo not going through more legal battles… The official site is farmvilldailyworker.com. Also, as required we will be displaying an advertisement on Infidel Nation until further notice.

Many of you have friends that are addicted to FarmVille on FaceBook. You undoubtedly know who your addicted friends are from the amount of updates you see daily on your wall. Just look at what Bumble’s friends suffer daily (or sometimes hourly).

Bumble never said he wasn't an addict!

If you don’t know anything yet about FarmVille, consider yourself lucky. It is highly addictive, fun and mocked by quite a bit of the FaceBook community. So what do you get this Christmas for your FarmVille addict friends?

First, bear with Bumble as he gives you just a little insight into the workings of FarmVille.

FarmVille addicts can probably agree that nothing is more helpful than getting gifts from their FarmVille neighbors every day. These are little pixelated sheep, chickens, cows and a massive variety of chotchkies for their virtual farm. Anyone that agrees to be your Neighbor can send you one gift per day. Conversely, you can send them gifts once per day as well. These are free to gift, but cost your friend coins if they were to purchase them for themselves. So “Gifting” is a way to help each other move up in the FarmVille world faster. These gifts also keep on giving.

How to send fake animals and livestock to fake farms...

Sending someone a Cow, or Tree in FarmVille gives them a steady income forever after. They can harvest these daily for Milk, Fruit etc. which is worth income. And so the circle of life goes on.

As nice as it is to get virtual livestock in a game, imagine if you were hungry and someone sent you a real goat? It would provide milk, possibly meat, and in the long run could change your entire quality of life.

Real cows for real people!

Enter Heifer International. Heifer is an organization dedicated to providing people in need around the world with sustainable sources of food and income. Heifer International has active projects in 53 countries (from Argentina to Zimbabwe) AND 27 U.S. States.

For as little as $20 you can send a family, village, or community a Flock of Chicks, Ducks or Geese. For $500, you and a group of your friends can send an actual cow. These gifts ultimately provide food and offspring. Part of Heifer’s success story requires recipients to distribute offspring to others in need, thus “Passing on the Gift”. Imagine the pyramid effect this creates in a small community where food is scarce. Sort of a Ponzi scheme for good.

Don’t have $20?

For as little as $10 you can send a share of a goat, pig, trio of rabbits or a share of a tree. You are contributing a share of the cost (not a

Heifer only sends the whole goats (even if you can only afford a share)

piece of a goat). That would hardly be sustainable now would it?

Once you have placed your order, you can send a printable gift card or e-card that you have honored them with a gift from Heifer on their behalf.

This is a huge win/win. For as little as $10 you can…

• Help someone feed themselves not just today, but in days to come!

• Turn the tables and Spam your FarmVille friends for once about goats, pigs and chickens!

• Give a gift with value far exceeding it’s cost for once!

No self respecting FarmVille addict can rebuff you for sending someone in need real livestock on their behalf. So skip the chotchkie or stocking stuffer and make a difference this Christmas.

To visit Heifer’s online Gift Catalog just click the image below or visit www.heifer.org

How to send real trees and animals to real people that need them!

Bumble has another tip for FarmVille addicts. After you have reached level 10, you will be eligible to master crops in FarmVille. Each crop you harvest will count as a mastery point towards become an expert in farming that particular crop.  This of course begs the obvious question, what do I get when I master a crop?

Obviously there must be something more in it for you than the sense of accomplishment at mastering your craft. Perhaps some small token for all your hard work? For most of us we will never get to stand aboard an aircraft carrier under a banner and declare “Mission Accomplished”. So what is the next best thing? What else…

A gold star!

Good for you, Jack!

Yup, nothing says “this wasn’t a waste of time” like a gold star!

There are three levels for each crop. At each level you will be justly rewarded with a gold star, and some additional coins and experience points.

Here is the payout for each mastery level.

But wait there is more! After reaching level 3, you also get a cool sign for your farm that touts your dedication (and addiction). After become a true master, you have a chance at every harvest becoming a “Premium” crop. Premium crops appear larger and are worth more experience points too. So keep harvesting those raspberries little farmers.

You know you covet it!

This weekend FarmVille finally unleashed the Big Ole Plantation for addicts with enough neighbors and coins. The release coincided with the addition of the Chicken Coop, and followed just on the heels of the Baby Turkeys. For those of you that missed it, the Big Ole Plantation costs $250,000 and you must have 20 neighbors to be eligible. The bigger lot is 22 x 22. Bumble has to hand it to FarmVille for keeping the fresh releases and new items coming. It really keeps addicts logging in every day to see the latest developments. It is about time they released the B.O.P., but it just begs the question…

Et tu, FarmVille?

When will FarmVille release the Mighty Plantation? What are they afraid of anyway? The 24 x 24 Mighty Plantation is still listed as “Coming Soon!”. Unfortunately, Americans have enough important stuff tagged as “Coming Soon!”. Health care reform, economic recovery, decreased dependence on foreign oil, a plan for Afghanistan and Iraq are all similarly labeled as “Coming Soon!”. Americans have run out of patience in general. Must we also be forced to wait for the Mighty Plantation?

The answer is a resounding, and conspiratorial YES! To understand the conspiracy you must know some things about Bumble. Bumble has a few hobbies. Among Bumble’s favorite activities are FarmVille and policing pundits. Often Bumble likes to flip between MSNBC and Fox news to watch just how differently each network reports the days events. During the early afternoon it isn’t as obvious. After 8 pm, when the “news editorial” shows air the difference in slant becomes more overt. Olberman vs. Bill O’Reilly is the biggest discrepancy in news coverage since the Chicago Daily Tribune reported “Dewey Defeats Truman” back in ’48. Sadly, in the Olberman vs. O’Reilly battle it isn’t clear which one is the Tribune.

What is clear is that cable news shows allow the media to influence public opinion like never before. So after a day of harvesting and twelve RedBulls, Bumble is nearing a full blown tizzy. Could it be that FarmVille is also being influenced by punditry? Can politics be playing a part in why they have yet to release the Mighty Plantation? Again, the answer is a big fat conspiratorial YES!

Zynga is holding off for one simple reason. Allowing Bumble to have a 24 x 24 farm would possibly make his plantation…

Too Big To Fail!

Break up Bumble's Farm!

Yup, you heard it from Bumble first. On Friday, November 6th Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont introduced the “Too Big to Fail, Too Big to Exist Act of 2009″. The act is nearly two pages long, so Bumble hasn’t actually read it. But Bumble assumes it pertains to his FarmVille farm.

Public opinion is wavering on whether or not institutions can be too big for the public good. As we have seen, when the really big financial institutions are in trouble the effects can be catastrophic to the economy. Bailouts were deemed necessary to preserve the functioning of the market.

But really… Bumble’s farm?!?

Good consiparcy theories involve latinos!

Bumble employs one latino migrant worker and a goat! Hopefully, FarmVille will not wait to see the outcome of the current act before nutting up and releasing the Mighty Plantation. Sure, there may be other reasons for the delay in the release, but Bumble is skeptical. Just a week after the introduction of the Too Big To Exist act, FarmVille went with the soft launch of just the Big Ole Plantation. Coincidence, or Lou Dobbs level manic conspiracy theory?

Whatever the reason for the delay, Bumble’s farm is packed to it’s borders. The Big Ole Plantation just isn’t going to cut it. Bumble needs living space! His critters are cramped into pens unfit for livestock. 20 cows to a Dairy Farm? Madness! The small pond is over run with fish and ducks. Bumble must act soon, with or without the launch of the Mighty Plantation.

Klaus demands the Large Pond!

Bumble urges FarmVille to ignore the punditry and politics. Release the Mighty Plantation now! If it doesn’t come soon, Bumble will have to take matters into his own hands…

Bumble and General Cabra eye the Sudetenland...

It is a fact that no virtual animals have ever been harmed on any FarmVille farms. That is a little idealistic, but understandable to some degree. Cows are sacred in India, pork is forbidden from both Jewish and Islamic diets. There are nearly 8 million vegetarians in the US alone.

Perhaps FarmVille is a glimpse at a better world where animals and people live in harmony. A world where kittens bring you yarn, ugly ducklings become swans, and pigs collect truffles in return for their slops. Instead of slaughtering livestock, FarmVille has made cutesy and harmless ways to harvest animals and keep the game cute and inoffensive.

Bumble finds this political correctness offensive!

Is there an evil PETA lobby pressuring the FarmVille folks? Are all the FarmVille employees vegetarians? Is it just too hard to make a cute graphic of a slaughterhouse?

Bumble has 6 pigs and not a single bacon bit! There are however truffles aplenty. That’s fine since Bumble can’t eat pork anyway. But Bumble has to draw the line at Thanksgiving dinner.

This morning Zynga released some great new seasonal decorations for FarmVille. Fellow FarmVille addicts can now spiffy up the farm with hay rolls, haystacks, leaves, maple trees and… baby turkeys!

Bumble bought his first baby turkey today. This evening the little fellow is 17% ready. We won’t know what it is preparing to do for a few more days. Bumble has a bad feeling that the little guy will not be producing Stove Stop stuffing to harvest.

Given the current innocuous nature of FarmVille animals, Bumble suspects the baby turkey will soon be producing Tofurkeys! Death to Tofurkeys!

Bumble has other plans for his baby turkey…

There is no triptophan in tofu..

Sorry baby turkey, but there will be no presidential pardon for you come Thanksgiving.

Bumble has had a great deal of fun this past month with Zynga’s FarmVille. While Bumble continues to maintain that FarmVille is for losers, he does admit to being an addict himself. Bumble only started looking at FarmVille as blog post fodder because the notifications from his friends were driving him nuts. That was many, many strawberry harvests ago.

There is nothing worse than constantly having your Facebook cluttered with YoVille or FarmVille notifications. Nothing worse except being the dork that posted them. With that said, Bumble feels the need to share some tips with FarmVille addicts  and their friends to help keep the peace.

Q.  I don’t play FarmVille but my idiot friends do. How can I hide their FarmVille updates?

A: You should probably just un-friend them. Chances are if they are an addict they will only steal from you anyway, or try to get you to play too.  If you feel the need to hang on to every friend you can get, Facebook makes it simple to hide the notifications on your end.

From your Facebook News Feed find a post from FarmVille (or YoVille, Mafia Wars etc.)
Hover your cursor on the post until you see the ‘Hide’ menu on the right. You will then see a drop down with options to hide your friend, or the application from your News Feed.

This works for any Facebook application posting to your News Feed!

Q: Oops, I think I hid my friend by mistake! How do I undo this?

A: Sheesh. Refresh your News Feed page and scroll down until you see Edit Options on the right footer. Click it.

You can now add back Friends, Applications or Pages that you already have hidden.

Just in case you change your mind...

Q: I am the idiot playing FarmVille, but don’t want my friends to know. How do I stop FarmVille from sending notifications?

A: This is a common syndrome known as “salvaging your dignity by hiding your shame”. It is also easy. First and foremost, if you are prompted by FarmVille to Publish, SAY NO! Hit Skip, never Publish.

If they don't know, then you aren't an addict!

Q:  I sometimes get so excited to have an award from FarmVille that I hit Publish. Can I just disable the notices for FarmVille?

A: Yes! By default the applications like FarmVille, Mafia Wars, YoVille and FishVille are allowed to post to your wall.

To change the setting go to Settings >> Application Settings. You may have to hover your cursor there for a second until the drop down list appears.

Wait for the drop down, then click Application Settings.

Pick the application you want to Edit and click ‘Edit Settings’.

Uncheck the ‘Publish recent activity’ box on the Additional Permissions tab. Again this works for any application. This will halt any chance of inadvertent posts.

Yes Bumble Gifts from Cats is a real Facebook App.

Hopefully these tips will allow fellow FarmVille addicts to keep harvesting crops without losing friends. Likewise, if you have idiot FarmVille addict friends at least you know how to shut off the notices.

As reported earlier, Bumble did have a Chupacabra encounter several years ago. As promised, Bumble spent Halloween night camped out and waiting to pounce on the heathen dog beast. Since the creature is known to enjoy the blood of goats, Bumble insisted that his FarmVille goat Jorge accompany him this year. Jorge in turn insisted that Javier the migrant worker join him as well. Bumble now brings you the tale of a cat, a FarmVille goat and a hired hand who chose to tempt fate this past Halloween and undertake… “Operation Chupacabra”! Dun dun dunnnnnnnn!!!!

Around dusk, Javier built a small barricade of hay bales. This provided us with a perfect place to hide and wait for the demon dog.

Bumble may have fibbed a bit to the goat...

Bumble was pretty wired after weeks of watching Rocky IV and preparing for an altercation with the Chupacabra.

Primal predatory instincts honed from generations of evolution kicked into gear. Bumble’s senses were on red alert, every sound resonating that much louder, every smell that much smellier.

Never, ever give a goat Red Bull on a covert op!

It was early in the night when we had our first scare, err encounter.

Death from above!

From the sky we could hear the fluttering of wings. Undoubtedly the leathery, slimy wings of El Chupacabra rising from the Pumpkin patch to claim his bloody prize! The goat tensed, Bumble released his claws. Javier, well Javier just kind of stood there oblivious. Suddenly without warning the great beast descended on us! Instinct took over and Bumble instantly prepared for battle.

Fight or flight

False alarm, it was just a stupid owl. Death to owls! Several hours passed. Then several more. It began to get chilly in the Pumpkin patch. At about 3 am, Bumble retired to his pumpkin and left Jorge and Javier to stand watch. Bumble finally fell asleep despite their chattering on in Spanish.

General Fransisco Franco is still dead!

Just before daybreak Javier knocked on Bumble’s pumpkin lid. We could all hear a great and terrible rustling a few yards away. Bumble leaped from his pumpkin and readied for battle!

Apologies to Charles M.

Weeks of preparation came down to this one moment. With the moon behind him, the giant goat sucking beast reared its head!!!

El Chupacabra...?

What the duck?!

Not surprisingly, El Chupacabra has once again chosen to fear Bumble! The closest Bumble came was an owl, a retarded duck, and a balding kid with a blanket. Another night in the pumpkin patch and still the cowardly goat sucker will not return. Someday Bumble will get you…

Until next year… Death to Chupacabras!

Bumble is a patient feudal lord, but this is really starting to get old. The first time Bumble’s migrant worker Javier let some strawberries wilt Bumble was forgiving.

Bumble explains trickle down economics.

Bumble patiently explained that if the strawberries continued to fail, Bumble would have no choice but to sell Jorge the goat to keep the farm afloat. Unfortunately Bumble doesn’t speak Spanish, so he has to use Jorge to translate.

Bumble suspects the translation was not completely accurate as it took several minutes to convey the message to Javier.

It appeared to get the point across though, and ultimately Javier replied with “Sí señor del mal.” Bumble recognized ‘si senor’ so he assumed we had reached an understanding.

Bumble went back inside his pumpkin for a few hours to get some shut eye. It is very tiring being the sultan of social media! The last thing Bumble needs is a lazy employee.

Unfortunately when Bumble woke up later he was shocked and disgusted to find MORE wilted crops. Unbelievable! Every time Bumble comes to the farm Javier is just standing around with the goat! What the heck. Bumble leaves and they do nothing! In fact the only time Javier even moves is when Bumble points out where he should go. Well this time Bumble really let them have it!

This is why Bumble has to live in a damn pumpkin!

Bumble is at a loss now. Why doesn’t this guy do his job?! Bumble can’t always be logged into FarmVille to point out what he should do. For now Bumble has decided not to sell the goat, and give Javier one last chance.

la muerte a usted!

As a not so subtle hint, Bumble took  Jorge and Javier to the graveyard. Don’t worry they are just novelty tombstones that Bumble keeps getting from friends. Apparently his neighbors feel that any cat that yells ‘Death to You!” at the cattle can use all the tombstones he can get.

Bumble found a use for them anyway. Bumble told Javier and Jorge this is where he keeps the migrant workers and goats that let the crops rot. hehehehe

That ought to get him moving!

Recently Bumble published some derogatory comments and photos about poor souls addicted to FarmVille. In the course of researching how lame FarmVille was Bumble has an update.

After a day and night, lets just say Bumble now sees the appeal of FarmVille. While everything previously posted is true Bumble is not immune to the lure of the simple life that FarmVille provides.

Javier and his pet goat Jorge.

Bumble’s farm has been somewhat updated since the last post, and is now a burgeoning plantation. Complete with Javier the  migrant worker. Don’t interpret that as a stand one way or the other on immigration reform. Javier is legal, and Bumble has no choice but to employ a farmhand since he is a cat. Bumble can only really act in a supervisory capacity.

Bumble has never been afraid to apologize, but Bumble will NOT apologize in this post or any other. BUT IT”S NOT BECAUSE HE FEARS IT! BUMBLE FEARS NOTHING! DEATH TO YOU! Sorry, Bumble digresses.

Nor is Bumble posting a retraction simply because of this vicious unsolicited attack on his character posted on Facebook.

Stupid notifications!

Nor is Bumble retracting his previous comments because of this…

Brought this on myself! Doh!

OK, it really is just because Bumble was busted.

So (sigh) for those of you that are addicted to FarmVille, Bumble can understand. That doesn’t change the fact we are still losers. It just means Bumble is one of you.

Please stop sending Bumble Rabbit Topiaries. It was funny once, but Bumble will not mistake them for live rabbits again.

Bumble has grown tired of Farmville requests on Facebook. Every time he logs into Facebook someone wants him to help labor on a farm, or send them a cow. Bumble admits, Farmville looked cool for a second.  Hey Bumble even tried it for a day too. Here is how it turned out…

Normal people stop about here...

Bumble even had a migrant worker on his farm and still got bored really quick. Why? Because it’s not REAL! It will not save the environment, ease world hunger, make you less sad, or bring him back to you.

As a public service to Infidel Nation, Bumble has made some subtle posters you can share with your Farmville addicted friends that need an intervention. Feel free to pass them along…