‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, he’d killed every mouse;

The stockings once hung by the chimney with care,

But now they’re torn down, chotskies strewn everywhere;

The humans lay nestled all snug in their beds,

Unaware of intentions to smother their heads;

And woman in T-shirt, the man in his cap,

Had just settled in for a long winter’s nap,

When out in the living room arose such a clatter,

They sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the tree they flew like a flash,

Stepping on pieces of ornament glass.

The lights slowly twinkled on what had been the tree,

But now was a pile of sap and debris,

And the cat was purring, looking proud of himself;

Crouched on the chest of one jolly old elf,

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

It shook when he sobbed like a bowlful of jelly;

And they laughed when they saw this in spite of themselves;

The cat had defended his milk from those elves,

And taking advantage of the moment’s distraction,

Santa threw off the cat in one swift reaction;

He fled to the chimney and glanced back with dread,

Before flipping the bird and starting his sled,

But they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

“You’re banned from Christmas, due to cat fight!”

So next year they’ll be Jewish and wear tiny hats,

And light the Menorah because of their cat.

Merry Christmas Crazy Cat Owners!

That's my milk you fat freeloader!!!